Weighing In

When I first started this blog, I started in the hopes of really buckling down.  I lost focus and stopped buckling down.  It was more that I was embarrassed and didn't want the world to know that I had gained so much weight. So instead of keeping at it, I buried the blog.  It was easy to bury it as this blog was a reflection for me...a mirror to look into and out of. So I avoided it, after all, I had poor body image and I spent over ten years not looking in a mirror so it was easy to ignore this blog.

I mean, I would look in the mirror but I wouldn't see things.  My eyes would slide over the weight gain and I would focus on things like my hair as I brushed it or applying my seldom used makeup.  I didn't look at the whole package and when I did, I felt such a disappointment in myself.  I also had a very poor self image. I remember going up to a water slide and worrying that I would get stuck in it.  Now, to put this in perspective, there was no possible way I could get stuck but for some reason, what I saw in the mirror when I chanced to look in it (usually when I was trying on clothes) was a woman who was 200 or 300 or even 400 pounds more than I actually weighed.  I always selected clothes that were much too large and would be skeptical when the saleswoman would tell me I had the wrong size, I was much smaller than that.

I didn't focus on the number because the scale lied...it had to lie because I could "see" what I looked like.  But I didn't see and I used my confused version of my image to just bury my head. I avoided looking at people because I was scared at what I would see in their expressions.  I gave in to the inevitable.

However, the inevitable is not set in stone and over the last six months I have made strides to be healthier, happier and to move forward. I have already lost 30 pounds from making simple changes such as eating organic, grass fed meats (well, the animals are grass fed), purchasing fresh fruits and vegetables from local growers and cutting out 90% of processed foods. I have also increased my water consumption and I make sure to get some exercise every day, even if it is only a half hour...or even 10 minutes.

While the last six months have been done on my own without really sharing my successes, over the last few months, I have joined a weight loss group on Facebook. In addition, I have decided to share my weight loss journey with you, along with other inspirations I find on a daily basis of finding myself.

And it starts here...today.

So I am going to start with a number.  I worry about sharing the number even now but at this point, I weigh 232 pounds.  I started my weight loss at 262 pounds and my current goal is to get out of the 200's.  My overall goal is somewhere around the 135 to 145 range and I have given myself 18 months to complete this.

To give you some idea of layout. Wednesdays will be weigh in days for me and I will be measuring inches at that time as well, which I will post.

And I think I will leave this post here for today. I hope that you will enjoy this site and that you will share your own journey and successes with me.  I will have a range of recipes that I use as well as exercises that I am doing so be sure to check back soon.

In the meantime, if you want to read more about me, visit my author's blog at http://sirenavanschaik.blogspot.ca.